2015 Reefer Madness: Cinderella Stories

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In our last article, we profiled our #1 seeds from each region.  Today, we're looking at 4 people who, despite their lower positions on the bracket, could be poised for an upset come April 20th.  These are our potential Cinderella Stories for 2015.

East Region - #6 Pope Francis - ELIMINATED

Before he was Pope Francis, Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio of Argentina fought for the rights of the poor in his home country of Argentina.  As Pope, he is credited with giving women more of a voice in the church and embracing a zero tolerance policy toward child sexual abuse.  On these, and many other issues, Pope Francis has demonstrated a progressive and compassionate world-view.  On the subject of cannabis however, the Holy See has it completely backwards.  And we cannot forget that when the Pope speaks, a BILLION people listen.

Pope Francis was born in 1936 (the same year Reefer Madness was released) and grew up in the heyday of the anti-marijuana propaganda machine.  So it was not surprising when in 2014, he spoke before a drug enforcement commission calling the legalization of drugs "evil," and making no distinction between cannabis and truly dangerous drugs like heroin and alcohol.  He went on to say that we need to protect our youth and teach them to say "no" to drugs and "'yes' to life, 'yes' to love, 'yes' to others, 'yes' to education and 'yes' to greater job opportunities."

And here's where our Progressive Pontiff goes off the rails in typical Reefer Madness fashion.  Because despite his good intentions, Pope Francis' beliefs about this miraculous plant are the exact opposite of the truth.  The prohibition of cannabis is a renuciation of lifea rejection of lovea condemnation of othersa repudiation of truth and the removal of opportunity for millions of people around the world, ESPECIALLY the poor.

So, for getting it so wrong and helping to keep so many people scared and confused about the true nature of one of God's greatest gifts to mankind, Pope Francis get's the #6 seed in the West Region and a nod as a potential Cinderella who could go far in this year's tournament.

North Region - #7 Mikey Kittrell - ELIMINATED

 

We don't know much about Mikey Kittrell beyond what you will see in this video.  Frankly, we have better things to do than go digging into the life of this dunderhead.  But Mr Kittrell's performace in this video was more than enough to qualify him for this list.  With over a million views, Mr. Kittrell has delivered an EPIC rant against both marijuana and common sense.

There's a lot of talk about whether Mr. Kittrell really believes what he says, or whether he's just trolling for attention.  We don't care.  This is Reefer Madness gold.  And if the reaction Mikey gets on his YouTube channel is any indication of the kind of support he will receive in this game, we could be seeing a lot of #6 Mikey Kittrell over the coming weeks.

Watch DEAR POTHEADS

Bravo Mikey. Bravo.

South Region - #4 Robert Goodlatte

Congressman Bob Goodlatte represents Virginia's 6th congressional district and is Chairman of the House Judiciary Committee.  All you have to do is watch this video to understand what that means for the Commonwealth and the nation. 

When people say that Virginia is a backwards, ultraconservative enclave for tea party wing-nuts, they are talking about people like Bob Goodlatte.  He is the poster child for right-wing hypocrisy.  Mr. Goodlatte talks a good game about state's rights and individual freedom, but when it comes to the personal liberty of his constituents, this man is a hardcore prohibitionist. 

We hope that "The Most Twisted" looks good on his resume, because his days as a government employee are numbered.

VOTE FOR BOB GOODLATTE

West Region #6 David Samadi - ELIMINATED

They must be putting moonshine in the water coolers over there at FOX News, because there is no shortage of crazy talk coming from that channel.  But even with the likes of Bill O'Reilly and Nancy Grace babbling on like fugitives from the insane asylum, #6 seed, David Samadi still managed to shock and surprise viewers with his claims that cannabis use causes crack babies.  He should probably have a heart to heart with Dr. Sanjay Gupta before what's left of his medical career goes up in smoke.  We'll be keeping a close eye on Dr. Samadi during the tournament.  A few more crack pot segments like this one and he could very well win it all.


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